Love and Acceptance

In our hearts, we all desire love and acceptance more than anything else, and therefore it seems the most natural thing in the world would be for all of us to love and accept each other all the time. So why is true unconditional love so rarely seen?

Sometimes we are separated by fear or distrust. We know and trust our own motivations, but how can we read the mind of another person to know whether he or she will return our love, rather than seeking to take something from us? Who should love first?

We are afraid someone may "take advantage" of us. Yet how can that be so long as we first love ourselves unconditionally? Self-love is not selfish, and it is not sinful. It is in fact a commandment from God. Jesus taught that we should love others as we love ourselves -- not more than we love ourselves, but just as much. Yet he also taught us to love others deeply and unconditionally. He was telling us to have the same complete and unqualified love for ourselves.

If we follow this commandment and love ourselves unconditionally, then there is really no risk in loving others. Our self-esteem will not be dependent upon how others feel about us. If you extend a loving hand to a brother or sister in Spirit and it is refused, should you be hurt? No, because you know what a precious child of God that you are. The rejection does not mean your love is undesirable or that you are unlovable, but only that the other person is not in a position to accept love from you at this time. You can leave the door open for him or her to return seeking your love and acceptance at another time, without any risk of damage to your own love of yourself.

Another important fear about relationships is the fear of loss. We may hesitate to give anything of ourselves to another person out of fear that he or she will leave us and there will be a hole in our existence that cannot be filled. This causes us to cling to the relationships that we have, as well as to resist entering into new ones. This fear also is totally derived from doubts about our own worth. If you love yourself fully and unconditionally, nothing another person does can shake that love. Therefore, you are free to open yourself to another knowing that if he or she later needs to withdraw for a time, you will remain perfectly whole.

One way to minimize the fear in relationships is to be open, trusting, and accepting of literally everyone. You may find, as a particular relationship develops, that there must be limitations on these attributes; but each should be approached initially in a way that demonstrates the total absence of fear or doubt. If that is your standard practice, then people will be able to see their perfection mirrored in your own, and will be eager to enter into the same kind of relationship with you.