Ramana Maharshi on the Householder's Dilemma

 

This Q&A addresses the question I believe every secular mystic must confront: How to live spiritually while dealing with the demands of everyday life.

 

Q:  How can cessation of activity (nivritti) and peace of mind be attained in the midst of household duties which are of the nature of constant activity?

Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi:

As the activities of the wise man exist only in the eyes of others and not in his own, although he may be accomplishing immense tasks, he really does nothing. Therefore his activities do not stand in the way of inaction and peace of mind. For he knows the truth that all activities take place in his mere presence and that he does nothing. Hence he will remain as the silent witness of all the activities taking place.

 

Bhagavan is reminding us here that the Sage exists as the silent observer, entirely apart from his body/mind. The activities of body/mind are not his activities. He is free from attachments, and his serenity is not disturbed by the constant stream of thinking, acting, and relating taking place around him. Of course "he" is not "he" but the I am.

 

The value of the quotation lies in the reassurance it gives us that renunciation of attachments does not require the abandonment of everyday relationships and responsibilities. We need this assurance in order that we do not give up on the Path out of concern that it will lead us to abandon those who depend upon us. This is  separate from the pain that ego anticipates from the loss of attachments.

 

Until we attain full realization of the Self, we may believe that complete renunciation of worldly affairs is necessary. We may find this impossible out of love for family and friends, the sense of responsibility we feel, and the compassion for ourselves and others that pushes us to strengthen, rather than loosen, the bonds between us and them.

 

This dilemma is not limited to any particular school of philosophy. Followers of Buddhist and Vedantic traditions are faced with it, but so are Christians. Jesus taught his disciples to leave behind their livelihoods and their closest personal relationships in order to follow him. Taking this literally, as mind/body is wont to do, must have caused many to despair of ever walking in his footsteps.

 

Joel Goldsmith paints a stark picture in "A Parenthesis In Eternity":

 

"Few people realize the price that has to be paid for engaging in spiritual work. ... As a rule it means the loss of one's family, and it always means the loss of one's friends because in spiritual work no one has the leisure necessary to enjoy friendships or for time-consuming social dilly-dallying."

 

Although Ramana himself left his family and lived as an ascetic, in the quotation he is pointing out that the real renunciation is internal rather than external. Because his Self realization occurred at such a young age, he never acquired the kind of family and social responsibilities that many of us bear. Because he attained Self realization almost instantaneously, he may not have fully appreciated the difficulty of allowing the I am to emerge as the true Self while simultaneously giving attention to the concerns of the smaller self. Yet his message here is the infallible Voice of a fully realized being, and it is that the body/mind can continue to discharge its responsibilities after Self realization. Surely it must also be true that we can continue to fulfill our daily duties while on the Path. In the words of the Zen proverb, "Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water."

 

In a later passage, Goldsmith also seems to acknowledge the possibility of maintaining relationships on a foundation independent of ego:

"Illumination brings freedom from dependence on persons and things, and the only perfect human relationship there can ever be is one in which we do not look to anyone for anything. ... Then we have normal, happy relationships because we are free to share without thinking of any return."

 

Here he seems to recognize that it is not the external relationship, but the internal attachment to that relationship and its rewards that is renounced.

 

The Ramana quotation also reminds me that Self realization consists of bringing into conscious awareness a reality that already exists. I am is the core of every being and rests eternally as the silent Presence in each of us. The tranquil Observer already sits apart from the body/mind and witnesses its frantic comings and goings. Self realization is like removing the blindfold that hides this Presence from us. 

 

The purpose of meditation and mindfulness practice is to unify this core consciousness with the mind/body consciousness so as to escape the world of karma and unite with the Universal Self. As Goldsmith describes it in the chapter entitled "The Mystical Marriage": 

"That which is human and that which is divine meet: the human element is dissolved, and all that is left is the divine. The two become one."

 

 

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The Q&A above is from the Ramana Maharshi Facebook page. There are many other related discussions to be found there.

Spiritual Surrender

Our human existence can be characterized as a series of challenges. Life presents us with one situation after another in which we must choose among many possible courses of action, one of which is not to act at all. Behind those choices is another very important choice, which is whether to be guided by ego or by Spirit. 

Ego almost never chooses inaction. Ego's modus operandi is to stir the pot, to find threats in every situation. Because it is convinced that the Universe is hostile, ego reacts either defensively or aggressively, whatever it believes will best serve its own perceived needs without regard to the needs of others. Ego scorns inaction as passive surrender to the omnipresent enemy.

Spirit, on the other hand, inhabits a cooperative Universe in which love and acceptance are the moving forces. It does not feel threatened because it knows that it is immortal and unchanging. As manifested in us as individuals, Spirit counsels us to act for the benefit of all. In many cases, this means allowing events to play out rather than intervening in order to direct them toward an outcome that favors us at the expense of others. Almost always, it means taking time to assess the situation and to formulate a thoughtful response. Ego contemptuously labels this measured approach as weakness.

In order to choose mindfully between courses of action, we must pause long enough between stimulus and response to become aware of what our choices are. Ego's reactions are often reflexive. They are based on prejudices or the preconceived notion that every interaction is an attack. Quelling the urge to react in a knee-jerk manner is the necessary predicate to adopting a spiritual rather than an egoic response.

Spiritual teachers may refer to this practice as surrender. Surrender in this sense, however, is not the passive acceptance of events and circumstances. Instead, it is the recognition that Spirit is the most dependable source of guidance in any situation. It represents the choice to be guided by the calm Voice that comes in stillness rather than by the shrill rantings of ego. 

In order to hear that Voice, it is necessary to cultivate the ability to establish a zone of internal peace even in the most tumultuous surroundings. This is accomplished by regular meditation practice, and by seeking to live every moment in the awareness of Spirit. If we put spiritual principles to work in the routine activities of our daily lives, their use will become a habit that will serve us well in times of crisis. 

In our calm center, we know that we are safe and that we already possess everything we need in order to be happy. We know that these things cannot be taken from us because they are the only eternal truths in the Universe. By surrendering to the Voice of Spirit not just daily, but from moment to moment, we bring serenity into our lives and, in some measure, into the lives of those around us. Spirit will never guide us into discord and pain, though it may guide us to confront controversy, rather than avoid it, in order that it may be resolved. At the very least, we can contribute peace and loving coexistence in every situation. Perhaps the most important action we can take, in the long run, is to demonstrate by example that actively choosing spiritual surrender is the surest path to happiness.

Thinking About Immortality

Death and dying are subjects that are so taboo in our society, that we often refuse even to think privately about them. The Google dictionary defines "morbid" as "Characterized by or appealing to an abnormal and unhealthy interest in disturbing and unpleasant subjects, esp. death and disease." I suppose that interest in death and disease can be carried to such an extreme that it can be characterized as abnormal and unhealthy. The same is true of any other subject; the pathology then is related to obsession, rather than to the topics themselves. But we often behave as if any consideration of death and dying were a sign of mental illness, and as if any reference to the subject were extremely bad manners.

The very aversion that we demonstrate to the topic of death is an indication of the great importance we attach to it. I have alluded to the subject before. Physical death is inevitable. It seems very likely that ego, which is attached to the physical body, must die with it. It is ego that finds any discussion of the topic unbearable. It is insane to fear the inevitable, but ego is insane and does fear its own extinction. When we live from the ego, we are possessed, often paralyzed by that same fear. What is true for us is also, naturally, true for those to whom we are attached. The passing of a loved one is often even more painful to contemplate than our own. This reflects ego's conception of death as extinction, as well as egoic attachment.

New Age and New Thought adherents often refer to physical death as "transition." This implies a process of moving from one state of existence to another. It is comforting to speak of transition rather than termination, but we should not delude ourselves that "life after death" is just a continuation of our present existence, with no more effect than changing clothes. How much of your personality did you bring with you into this world, and how much did you acquire after your conception? That which was born with the body or acquired by it afterward will likely pass away with it. 

Nevertheless, the core of our being - whether considered as Awareness, Spirit, God, or the Higher Self - is immortal. The I am which observes and - in the spiritually aware person - governs the thoughts and behavior of the small self is a manifestation of the Presence that is the fundamental energy of the Universe. All of the experiences that constitute human existence occur within that matrix and, in that sense, are also immortal. But to cling to the notion that a particular set of experiences that we call "ours" must remain identified with a particular wrinkle in the fabric of the Universe simply represents an attempt to narrow the scope of the Infinite to fit within the limits of our present awareness.

The thread in that fabric that represents a single consciousness may pass through one or many transition events. But when time falls away and all is seen through the lens of Oneness, there are no individuals; there is neither life nor death; there is no past nor future. There is only Awareness, undifferentiated and immeasurable. Therein lies our immortality.

More thoughts on immortality can be found here:

Thoughts On the Passing Of a Friend

Buried Pain

I suspect that many people hesitate to go within because they are afraid of what they will find. It is true that most of us have buried many painful memories and emotions. But even though we have placed them out of reach of our ordinary awareness, their negative influence remains. The only way to eliminate the adverse effects of buried pain is to uncover it and release it once and for all. Doing so removes one impediment to spiritual awareness. The process becomes progressively easier as you learn that you, not the pain, are in control of your life.

The Power of Patience

Another powerful quotation from the Dalai Lama shone like a jewel in the mud on my Facebook page today.  Here is the quotation:

"The most important benefit of patience consists in the way it acts as a powerful antidote to the affliction of anger - the greatest threat to our inner peace, and therefore our happiness. The mind, or spirit, is not physical, it cannot be touched or harmed directly. Only negative thoughts and emotions can harm it. Therefore, only the corresponding positive quality can protect it."

Facebook - or the little slice of it that is reflected on my page - seems to be increasingly devoted to the expression of individuals' social and political imperatives.  As such it mirrors our ever more polarized society.  Dialog seems to have largely vanished from the forum of opinion, to be replaced by strident voices shouting from soapboxes on every corner.  People are more devoted to their own ideas, prejudices and agendas than they are to other people.  In spiritual terms, this is another manifestation of the power of ego to dominate any situation in which it its influence is not tempered by love and the awareness of Oneness.  

There is no question that love and patience go hand in hand. Loving another person sometimes requires a patient understanding of that person's thoughts, emotions, and felt needs. Loving oneself requires the same patience. Loving a society, or the world, or the Universe requires patience and acceptance of the truth that regardless of the scope, events will not proceed according to our own personal values and priorities.

Ego is not patient.  Ego wants what it wants, and it wants it now.  Ego is angry. Spirit as manifested in the Universe has no need of patience because it exists outside of time; but as manifested in each of us, Spirit brings the patient ability to put today's emergencies into the context of eternity. A life spent in Oneness is a life of equanimity, knowing that every external tempest - including the tantrum of personal ego - is only a departure from Love and will be calmed by a return to stillness and the fundamental peace of Spirit.

Peace will not be found by out-shouting other egos.  Peace comes from the realization that Love is All There Is -- right "now", right "here", not in some imagined (but unattainable) future time when the mind's priorities have been fully realized. As we go through our human existence working as hard as we can to produce the good that we wish for all beings, we can stay on course by returning daily to the inner awareness that the peace of Oneness is ours for the asking at any time and in any place.