Ramana Maharshi on the Householder's Dilemma

 

This Q&A addresses the question I believe every secular mystic must confront: How to live spiritually while dealing with the demands of everyday life.

 

Q:  How can cessation of activity (nivritti) and peace of mind be attained in the midst of household duties which are of the nature of constant activity?

Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi:

As the activities of the wise man exist only in the eyes of others and not in his own, although he may be accomplishing immense tasks, he really does nothing. Therefore his activities do not stand in the way of inaction and peace of mind. For he knows the truth that all activities take place in his mere presence and that he does nothing. Hence he will remain as the silent witness of all the activities taking place.

 

Bhagavan is reminding us here that the Sage exists as the silent observer, entirely apart from his body/mind. The activities of body/mind are not his activities. He is free from attachments, and his serenity is not disturbed by the constant stream of thinking, acting, and relating taking place around him. Of course "he" is not "he" but the I am.

 

The value of the quotation lies in the reassurance it gives us that renunciation of attachments does not require the abandonment of everyday relationships and responsibilities. We need this assurance in order that we do not give up on the Path out of concern that it will lead us to abandon those who depend upon us. This is  separate from the pain that ego anticipates from the loss of attachments.

 

Until we attain full realization of the Self, we may believe that complete renunciation of worldly affairs is necessary. We may find this impossible out of love for family and friends, the sense of responsibility we feel, and the compassion for ourselves and others that pushes us to strengthen, rather than loosen, the bonds between us and them.

 

This dilemma is not limited to any particular school of philosophy. Followers of Buddhist and Vedantic traditions are faced with it, but so are Christians. Jesus taught his disciples to leave behind their livelihoods and their closest personal relationships in order to follow him. Taking this literally, as mind/body is wont to do, must have caused many to despair of ever walking in his footsteps.

 

Joel Goldsmith paints a stark picture in "A Parenthesis In Eternity":

 

"Few people realize the price that has to be paid for engaging in spiritual work. ... As a rule it means the loss of one's family, and it always means the loss of one's friends because in spiritual work no one has the leisure necessary to enjoy friendships or for time-consuming social dilly-dallying."

 

Although Ramana himself left his family and lived as an ascetic, in the quotation he is pointing out that the real renunciation is internal rather than external. Because his Self realization occurred at such a young age, he never acquired the kind of family and social responsibilities that many of us bear. Because he attained Self realization almost instantaneously, he may not have fully appreciated the difficulty of allowing the I am to emerge as the true Self while simultaneously giving attention to the concerns of the smaller self. Yet his message here is the infallible Voice of a fully realized being, and it is that the body/mind can continue to discharge its responsibilities after Self realization. Surely it must also be true that we can continue to fulfill our daily duties while on the Path. In the words of the Zen proverb, "Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water."

 

In a later passage, Goldsmith also seems to acknowledge the possibility of maintaining relationships on a foundation independent of ego:

"Illumination brings freedom from dependence on persons and things, and the only perfect human relationship there can ever be is one in which we do not look to anyone for anything. ... Then we have normal, happy relationships because we are free to share without thinking of any return."

 

Here he seems to recognize that it is not the external relationship, but the internal attachment to that relationship and its rewards that is renounced.

 

The Ramana quotation also reminds me that Self realization consists of bringing into conscious awareness a reality that already exists. I am is the core of every being and rests eternally as the silent Presence in each of us. The tranquil Observer already sits apart from the body/mind and witnesses its frantic comings and goings. Self realization is like removing the blindfold that hides this Presence from us. 

 

The purpose of meditation and mindfulness practice is to unify this core consciousness with the mind/body consciousness so as to escape the world of karma and unite with the Universal Self. As Goldsmith describes it in the chapter entitled "The Mystical Marriage": 

"That which is human and that which is divine meet: the human element is dissolved, and all that is left is the divine. The two become one."

 

 

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The Q&A above is from the Ramana Maharshi Facebook page. There are many other related discussions to be found there.