Suffering At Our Own Hands

When we feel that we have been mistreated - either by another person or by the mysterious workings of the Universe - we tend to take refuge in self-pity.  The irony of this is that self-pity, and any other device that ego uses to focus attention on itself, is no refuge, but rather a way of perpetuating the pain inflicted upon us, that left alone would quickly dissipate.

How much suffering we inflict upon ourselves! This is well illustrated, albeit in a different context, by the Zen story "Two Monks and a Woman" that is told and discussed at this link. When someone mistreats us, the greatest suffering we experience is not the direct result of the mistreatment, but the result of the way we react to it. The event and the pain inflicted from outside pass in an instant; any pain that is felt thereafter comes from inside. This is the most important teaching I can ever give about suffering, and I urge you to mindfully apply it to your own experience until it becomes an integral part of your consciousness. This is the foundation of another important teaching: that while we cannot control what happens to us, we can control the ways in which those events affect us and are absorbed or reflected.

Emotional pain is the hardest to deal with. Our selfish pride is bruised by the feeling of being disrespected. This kind of pride is just another word for insecurity. Ego does not believe that it is worthy of respect and fears that others will feel the same. So ego broods on every slight as well as every mistake, including the hurts we inflict upon others. I know this, because it has been my pattern. Physical pain is also often translated into emotional pain, when we misguidedly wander down the blind alley of "Why has God done this to me?" (For more on that topic see this blog entry).

Love, in particular self-love, is the way out of this trap. The path to Love begins with forgiveness. The hardest person to forgive is yourself. I have no magic key to this, but I believe that meditation and affirmations can help. One of the first affirmations I created for myself was "I am God's perfect child." There are many others; such as "Each of us is always doing the best we can." I think this last is hard to swallow, particularly when you consider that so much action is impulsive and ego-based; but if you take "best we can" to mean "best we can do given our humanity", it makes sense. In order to forgive ourselves, we must acknowledge our human weaknesses, and learn to distinguish in our self-awareness between our humanity and our innate divinity. Only when we are able to reconcile our limited human selves with our unlimited potential in Spirit can we reach out unselfishly to forgive others, and to help them learn to forgive themselves in turn.

The forgiveness I am talking about comes after long practice and meditation. But once it does come, there should no longer be long periods of suffering between the hurt and the release. Forgiveness should be our immediate and only reaction to any painful stimulus. It must be the face of Love that we present to the rough and tumble of everyday existence.

Eventually, Love leads to Oneness; and the knowledge that individuality is an illusion, and that the essence of each person is an indivisible part of Oneness in Spirit. In Oneness, there is no sin, no wrong, and no need of forgiveness. There is only Love.

-----------
I was recently reminded of this 10-year old post on forgiveness: Judging

Mindfully replace fear with Love

Fear is a dominant force among us today. Partly this is due to the inherent uncertainty of events and our inability to control them. A great deal of ambient fear is also generated by the many media sources that bombard us constantly. Those sources must attract our attention in order to survive. Media do not hesitate to focus on negativity, or to exaggerate and even fabricate their stories of imminent danger. They have learned that fear, and the negative emotions such as hatred that it engenders, are powerful magnets to our egos. Ego thrives on fear and negative emotions; they reinforce its paranoia and support its demand for our exclusive attention. In many ways, the media are the voices of ego. 

We live in an environment of instant communication and constant exposure to the agendas of others.  That environment insists that we respond, and we may develop the habit of reacting immediately to every stimulus. This means that our reactions are not thought out, but are based on  irrational latent fears, prejudice, or the infectious fears of other people.  As a result, we say things we later wish we could take back, and do things we never should have done. We are easily manipulated by fear to lose our grip on truth, on our values, and on spiritual wisdom.

To cope with fear, mindfulness is essential. First, we must be mindful of ego's agenda, which is not to protect us, but to aggrandize itself. In pursuit of that goal, ego will create exaggerated scenarios in an attempt to paralyze us with fear. We must learn to recognize ego's influence in our thoughts, and to dismiss it as much as we are able. What we cannot dismiss, we must learn to contemplate calmly and rationally. Fear is a primitive mechanism designed to trigger a fight or flight response to physical danger. It may serve a useful purpose in calling our attention to social or emotional threats, but once it has done so, fear must be set aside so that we can calmly and mindfully consider, plan, and execute ways to deal with those matters in light of our fundamental values and beliefs.

How can we set fear aside? Ego has a lifetime of experience in monopolizing our attention. By its nature, fear grips us tightly. Mindfulness can help loosen that grip. Ways mindfulness can help include:

• Keeping in mind our core values, and restraining ego's exaggeration of danger;
• Recognizing that nothing outside ourselves can disrupt our secure connection with Spirit, our Source of love, security, joy, and strength;
• Resisting calls to panic and maintaining a calm, thoughtful attitude that will inspire others to do the same;
• Not accepting every unsupported assertion as fact; 
• Recognizing and shutting off knee-jerk reactions;
• Pausing to consider before reacting;
• Seeking first to understand, rather than to be understood.

Meditation is very helpful in developing mindfulness. It helps us to focus and to see clearly. It reminds us we are not ego, and that the thinking mind is merely a tool that can be used for good or can cause great harm. It maintains our inspirational connection to the Source of Love, the sole basis for right action.

Mindfulness is a skill, and requires practice. With enough practice, it becomes a habit. As a habit, it can replace the habit of reacting in a knee-jerk fashion to fearful stimuli arising in the environment, or created by ego. It can be the mechanism by which we teach ourselves to act - or refrain from acting - out of Love, not fear.

Unsubscribe

My email inbox attracts lots of messages that I don't want or need. Most of it is from people or websites that I may have visited once, or from online vendors I have patronized in the past. Periodically, in order to prevent these unsolicited messages from flooding my mailbox and overwhelming the few that I actually want to read, I go through and click on the tiny "unsubscribe" link at the bottom of the message. In that way I am able to reduce the distracting clutter and focus on the messages that are really important.

Life these days is a lot like my email inbox. I am constantly bombarded by messages from people I may know slightly, or from people I don't recall ever knowing, wanting my attention for their political cause, their candidate, their product or service, or their particular approach to spirituality and healing. These messages come over the television, on the phone, in newspapers and magazines, and of course over the Internet in emails or popup ads. 

In addition to external messages, I hear ego's many voices calling on me to be concerned about this or that perceived problem, or so-and-so's personal attitude. Ego whispers in my ear that I can't rest until I have solved the problem or dealt with the interpersonal situation in a way that gratifies ego's need for protection and self-aggrandizement. 

Just as I need to periodically cleanse my inbox, I realize now that I can perform a similar cleansing on my personal space. While I can't stop people from broadcasting their appeals, or ego from nagging, I can manage my own attention so as to minimize the effect of these distracting voices. By the following affirmations, I renounce giving any attention to things that would distract me or divert me from the Path of Love and Joy. I invite others to add their own suggestions:

• I renounce the need to judge the thoughts, speech, actions, or beliefs of others, however different they may be from my own. I affirm my own commitment to express Love and Joy in all that I say or do.
• I renounce the need to worry about my health or that of my loved ones. I affirm that the Universe will restore any temporary physical imbalance in its own time and its own way.
• I renounce the need to be concerned about the financial security of my family. I affirm that all our needs will be provided for and that we will have the opportunity to earn a generous living.
• I renounce any belief that the key to happiness lies outside my own heart and mind. I affirm that the source of Joy and Love is within me and is accessible at all times, and in all places.

And so it is.

Namaste.

Love Is Still the Answer

A friend asks, "Why haven't we as a society made more spiritual progress?" There are at least two ways of interpreting current events in light of that question, but to begin with the more obvious one, our progress can't be measured by the things we see in the news - lives and property damaged or destroyed, hateful messages and deeds - but by the extent to which our (individual and societal) response is sourced in love and compassion rather than violence and hatred. By that measure it may well be that we as a society haven't progressed since we baby boomers were young adults, or indeed have regressed, but we must look beyond the news to find out. Each of us is responsible to look into our own soul and ask whether we are contributing to the problem or to the solution through the energies we resonate to and broadcast. If we collectively have not raised the level of our energy, our vibration, beyond the negativity that ego generates, then we cannot expect love and compassion to manifest in our world. The necessary response from people of good will is not to despair, but to redouble the effort to broadcast love and forsake hatred. This is an imperative for individuals, but it must also become a goal of society that is implemented in the ways we relate to ourselves and others and, above all, the ways we teach our children. This is not a goal for a day, a year, or an individual lifetime, but for the future of life on this planet.

There is a sense in the spiritual community that a wave of compassionate connection is sweeping across our society. This is not because spiritual people don't read the papers, but because their awareness reaches the deeper level of the collective soul. If indeed the imperative to "choose love" is taking root and spreading, then it is predictable that the collective ego will react violently to prevent it. This leads to the second interpretation mentioned above, which is that an upturn in the level of violence actually is a positive sign because it shows that the forces of hatred are threatened by the increasing influence of compassionate teachings, and are reacting in ways calculated to generate anger and violence. 

I'm not a big fan of apocalyptic good versus evil theories, nor do I believe that there is a devil or some other intelligence behind the swing toward xenophobia and hatred in some areas of popular culture. The knowledge that each individual has an ego that will fight desperately to protect its grip on individual consciousness is sufficient to explain the mass effects of many egos pulling in the same direction. But I do choose to believe that an increase in violence is at the very least not inconsistent with the spreading influence of love and compassion (as, for example, racial or gender-based violence can be triggered by new expressions of societal commitment to racial or gender equality). 

For this reason, I encourage you not to despair, to stay the course, teach love and compassion, and make the effort to cultivate the lotus that grows from the garbage heap. If we allow ourselves to be guided by our own egoic impulses rather than the teachings of Spirit, we can't expect better from others or from society.

Posts about ego and the higher Self

Overcoming the influence of ego, and learning to live from the higher Self, is at the heart of spiritual living. Here is a collection of earlier posts about ego and the higher Self:

Ego is not the self.

Inner Peace

No Limitations

Spiritual Surrender

The Power of Patience

Love or Attachment

Ego and the News

Are "Ghosts" the Survival of the Ego?

The Source of Unhappiness

Attachments

Are There Demons?

The Mind's Filter

Ego and Spirit

Living Without Ego

The Mind's Self-Importance

How to Treat Enemies

Recognizing guidance

There are inflection points in life where individuals become aware of the many messages of support and guidance that the Universe sends them. Those messages are always there. What makes them stand out in one's experience is that they seem responsive to the internal questioning that is rising closer to the surface of consciousness. Uncertainty and meditation in combination attract guidance. This is an interactive phenomenon between the individual consciousness and Spirit. Since individual consciousness is only an imperfect manifestation of Spirit, one could see this as Spirit refining consciousness to be more in alignment with itself. Uncertainty is only a surface condition; the Spirit within always knows the correct course to follow. What is necessary is to bring this knowledge to the light of everyday awareness so that it can guide action. When the clouds of uncertainty begin to dispel, like the calming of ripples on the surface of a clear pool, the Spirit within recognizes its manifestation on the other side of the looking glass and draws to itself the guidance it has formulated for itself in the words of other individuals. Spirit knows just which guidance to pick out of the stream of information flowing around and above it. So it is when you read something that speaks directly to your present condition: it seems as though the Universe has sent this guidance to you, when in fact it is Spirit within that has recognized the concrete truth that crystallizes its own inchoate longing. This is the formula: meditate, wait patiently, examine all the guidance that is offered, recognize that which is right for this moment, and then act.

Spiritual growth

Our individual spiritual development is a continuous process. Religion, atheism, philosophy - these are not disconnected points between which we randomly jump. We are embedded in a continuum and each phase in our awareness prepares us for the next. Every belief system contains some learning, some truth that contributes to the emergence of the next. An atheist may believe she has completely rejected religion, but really she has rejected only the outer forms of religion. The internal seeking that led her to adopt religion is the same pattern that led her to reject it. 

Everyone has access to wisdom deep within.  Each of us is looking for a system that expresses that wisdom in a way that speaks to us. When we adopt a new set of beliefs, we are visualizing ourselves against a new background, but our fundamental nature doesn't change. Our perception evolves, but that which we seek to perceive is eternal and immutable. Truth is holographic, and the more perspectives we gain, the closer we come to understanding it holistically. Every experience of Spirit brings us closer to that perception, until eventually - for those who are aware - we see ourselves Incorporated in Truth and Truth embodied in us.