Oldies

Sometimes when I hear music from my teenage years, or from my young adulthood, I feel sad. Why is that? The explanation that I have always given myself is that I am mourning past mistakes and lost opportunities. At some level I think of the possibilities that lay before me at that age. Something in the depths of my consciousness feels that I have failed, that I have not wound up in the place that I could have been, and that I might have been happier if I had acted differently.

These are false beliefs. At every moment, at every age, I did the best that I could at that time. No doubt I made mistakes, but every soul makes mistakes. I have caused pain, but I swear I never acted with the purpose to do so. I have caused disappointments, but it was not I who created the expectations that were not met. I have not achieved financial security, but that has never been my goal.

If I regret anything, it is that I lived fifty years and more out of touch with Life. Spirit was at hand all those years, and I turned away from it. Yet this too must have been because this is now the right time for me to make my peace with the Universe and to join the chorus of souls. What would have happened if I had turned this way rather than that at any given point in my journey is irrelevant, for Spirit guided me otherwise.

How many blessings have been bestowed on me in those years? It is impossible to count. Six children, academic honors, professional respect, experience in many places and cultures, the joy of music, millions of smiles exchanged, and a love to last forever -- these are things that Spirit has brought me. And as I write these words, love and peace fill my heart as I experience the sense of unity with all creation that waited for me to welcome it into my life.

And so I affirm that I am not the past, but the Now of limitless possibility. This is not the possibility of an uncertain future, but the blooming and unfolding of the eternal present. Within me and around me, the Universe reveals itself in ever greater detail and manifests beauty that I need only observe to appreciate. My heart fills to bursting with amazement and gratitude, as I am warmed by the Source of all warmth.

And so it is.